Tips for sharing the caregiver role with siblings
When you’re caring for an aging parent, you can use all the help your siblings have to offer. When sharing caregiving role a sibling or family member can provide a tremendous amount of support, but there may also be challenging family dynamics to manage.
Add a chronic illness such as dementia or Alzheimer’s disease and the situation can become even more difficult.
Learn how to lighten your load as a caregiver and draw your family closer together and avoid family conflict by sharing caregiving responsibilities with your siblings.
Try these strategies for sharing the caregiving responsibilities with your adult siblings and working together as a team.
Managing Logistics
- Hold a family meeting. Even if your family is spread out over long distances, try to gather in one place. Talking about how to care for an aging parent before an emergency arises allows you to approach the subject with a clearer head.
- Assign family roles. It’s easy to drift into old patterns. The child who was labelled the responsible one growing up may automatically assume much of the decision making. Instead, as older adults each of you can look at your current capabilities and contribute accordingly.
- Consult professionals. Ask family doctors, pastors, health care professionals and social workers to help you find the resources you need. Engage a geriatric care manager to coordinate the process.
- Share information. Talk with your brothers and sisters about what you learn as you research issues about aging and caregiving duties. Give each other updates after you call or visit your parents.
- Maintain records. You may need to deal with some complicated medical, financial, and legal arrangements. Proper documentation can prevent misunderstandings and help you comply with applicable laws.
- Encourage independence. It’s important to remember that your elderly parent or care recipient may want to maintain their independence for as long as possible. Look for ways to assist them that support their dignity. Installing safety bars around the shower is one adjustment that helps them to care for themselves.
- Ask for help. Don’t suffer from caregiver burnout! Call on each other when you need a hand. Be tactful and specific. You can let your brothers and sisters know that you need them to cover medical appointments without trying to make anyone feel guilty.
Managing Emotions
- Think about aging. Watching your parents grow older may trigger uncomfortable thoughts about aging and death. Join a support group or read spiritual material that can help you to understand your feelings.
- Sort out sibling rivalries. You may find yourself competing for your mother’s attention or reliving old memories about how your father took your brother camping without you. Decide to let go of past conflicts or talk them over with your siblings.
- Respect differences. Each family member may have different opinions about the situation and unique ways of contributing. Accept that your sister may be more willing to pay for a gardener than to come over on weekends to do the yard work herself.
- Establish realistic goals. It can be difficult to juggle caregiving on top of all your other responsibilities. If you’re becoming overwhelmed, concentrate on the essentials.
- Long-distance caregivers can also offer valuable support with managing finances, booking medical appointments, arranging services, or gathering information about health services and medications as well as just offering emotional support.
- Express compassion. This can be a challenging time for the whole family. Be gentle with yourself and your siblings as you take on new tasks. Let your parents know how grateful you are for the love and guidance they’ve provided.
- Take a break. As a family caregiver taking time off for respite care will help you to sustain your strength. Ask your elderly parent if they’d like to take senior aerobics classes at the local gym so you can spend Saturday morning with your kids.
As the average lifespan increases, you may be able to enjoy your parents’ company for many more years than you expected. Advance planning and skilful communications will help you and your siblings to collaborate on caregiving to make this stage in your family’s life more joyful and meaningful.
